I attract the bizarre situations. Always. Like a magnet.
A few weeks ago I started going to yoga to Samedi, a nice place in Canggu.
I like it and it relaxes me, but I’m not sure a big fan. To be honest I’m not even a big healthy’s follower: I eat meat, I smoke cigarettes, I drink beer, and if, it happens, I don’t dislike even the junk food. In moderation, of course, but more for aesthetic reason than cultural one.
So, in view of the above, what was doing, someone like me, yesterday, in an advanced yoga course with an American guru and twenty adepte flown to Bali specially for him from several parts of the globe?
But first things first: Arrival at 8.00 as usual. The garden is full of people. The usual course I attend has been rescheduled.
Today there is blissology!
A girl comes up to me smiling. “Will you join us, part of the proceeds of the lesson will be donated to the earthquake in Nepal.”
A couple of girls look at me smiling at me too. They are all friendly, cheerful, I do not know how they can be so happy at this time in the morning, I still have the marks of the pillow over my face!
Impossible to refuse.
Maybe it’s fun and it’s for a good cause. But yes, let’s try!
I pay, entering within the yoga room.
Thirty yoga mats are already put on the floor. Someone has even laid on them, their yoga towels in colour-combined. Very cool!
Some girls are putting the floral offerings with incenses in front of the Buddha curled up. The sun enters radiant from the windows. Many of them are in perfect yoga outfit: trousers and T-shirt coordinated with the colour of the ribbon for their hair.
I start to feel a little bit uncomfortable.
I take my mat (that one of Samedi, I have not bought yet my staff. What a loser!) and I lie down in the penultimate row.
As girls enter, they greet me warmly. I reply cordially.
He comes the guru. All are very excited. He gets to the center of the room.
“Come all to me.” He say and we find ourselves in narrow narrow circle.
He starts to lavish for 5 minutes some sentences about the love, the connections we have with nature, the cycle of life, how to find happiness, but above all about the energy that surrounds us. All listen to him in ecstasy cathartic. “And now you can feel the energy, share it among you with a deep hug.” he ends.
Girls embracing each other, a couple of boys in the group will embrace at least two at same time.
I remain a bit on the sidelines watching the scene amused. I do not particularly like the hugs, especially with people who I don’t know. But, just when I think to be safe, a couple of girls approach me “Give us a big hug!” And they shake me strongly. I am paralyzed. The embrace is infinity. I can not wriggle without being rude. I remain still and pretend to smile.
It begins the lesson.
As the minutes pass, the atmosphere became more and more intense.
The guru put on his playlist with the sound of the waves crashing and the song of the whales. Now, we are all cetaceans under the sea.
We close our eyes.
“Breathe, feel the energy, move your hands following the songs of the whales.”
I peep with my right eye.
The scene of a multitude of arms that move in unison, almost in tranches, puzzles me.
Sincerely more that the energy, I feel the tendons of my legs are breaking under keeping the yoga position !!
The yoga Figures requests, become gradually more and more difficult.
At one point, I find myself with legs positioned like a frog ready to jump, but my back is turned to 180 degrees, the head assumes the position of the exorcist and I can touch my toes with my hand.
I seem to play twister game, I do not know if you remember it. I often saw it advertised on TV between a cartoon and another: A happy family playing together, while the father put his hands in a strange position on the mat, the mother must in turn taking another position and so on for the children. At the end they are all stuck one on the other. They have a lot of fun, because they are together.
Here I’m playing twister game, but alone. It’s not so funny!
The guru speaks: “Do you remember when you were four years old? What did you play? Try to remember you the happiness you felt as you were children …”.
I listen, concentrate not to lose the position.
I’m in a centimeter from the tip of my feet. I look at my nails colored blue, fresh pedicure with a new semi-permanent gel.
I do not remember what made me happy at the age of four, but I’m extremely satisfied with the color of the shellac…it’s very cool!
After an hour and a half the lesson ends.
I’m exhausted, but happy.
Actually I have not found eternal happiness, but I’m happy not to have disfigured among the adepts of yoga (is it valid?).
I stink like a camel, but I did it!
I’m going to roll up the mat when it happens again.
“Come all around me.” He suggests the guru. “Closer! Touch with each others. Embrace each others! Do not lose the energy, share it!”
And so I find myself once again wrapped in a dozen of “big hug”. Oh my gosh!! Someone could help me?! I want to go hooome…
I like yoga, but told between us, I do not think “blissology” yoga course is for me! I’m sorry… too much…energy! Namaste!